Get something at stake - writing tip

We turned down a manuscript for a historical romance recently that was very well written. It had great images and the author knew grammar. She wrote in clear, easy-to-understand English, and had the ability to make the reader see everything she described. All that, as it turned out, was too much of a good thing, because she described every single thing the character saw.

Every thing.

She described the clothes, the jewels, the horse-drawn carriages, the wild wind-swept moors with a fast horse under her...the scullery, the latrines, the horse manure in the stables.

The problem was, despite her ability, that she followed her character everywhere -- yes, even into the bathroom -- but never once got inside that character's thoughts and feelings. She SHOWED us everything without picking a single detail that would reveal character, and she never "told" us what the character was like, or what she wanted.

The heroine had conversations with other characters about the weather, the tapestries, the Duke's coat of arms. But they never talked about anything important, like what the heroine wanted, or what her problems might be.

Now we didn't read the whole book, of course, only the usual sample. But in that sample the author followed the character around in her daily routine from the moment she woke, until she climbed into her satin-sheeted bed and sank gratefully into the feather mattress.

Showing and imagery detail are important, but they should be there for a reason. The description of Cinderella's ball gown was only important because we knew she usually wore soot-stained rags. It was there for contrast and had a reason.

If a scene is included in the story, it should be because something interesting, or important, or both is happening in it. If the story is a historical romance, it should start when the heroine meets her one true love and include an obstacle that stands in the way of their future happiness.

It should not start with her getting out of bed, using the chamber pot, eating bannocks, reading by the fire, being fitted for her ball-gown, having dinner in the great hall, riding on the moor, OR dancing the night away with a lot of different people none of whom stirred in her (or us) the slightest interest.

Nothing was at stake. In a good story, something is at stake all the time.

Now this author has plenty of writing talent, but she still needs to develop her storytelling skills. I just sent the usual stock rejection, "we regret" and so on. As a former teacher, I wanted to give her advice on what needs work, but writing advice from a potential publisher is rarely appreciated, so I elected not to explain why.

Should I have explained? What do you think I should have told her?

Pavlova - recipe

Still nothing much to catch up with this week, except Terry L. White's VIENNA PRIDE went back to press. Meanwhile here's an extra recipe.

Barbara Adams’s Famous New Zealand Pavlova *

*The Australians claim it, but we are sure it started in New Zealand.

3 egg whites

3/4 tsp. Vinegar

3/4 cup fine sugar (Confectioner’s Sugar)

½ tsp. Vanilla

pinch of salt

Beat 3 egg whites till stiff with three quarters of a teaspoon of vinegar.

Add a pinch of salt. Gradually add three quarters of a cup of fine sugar

and half a teaspoon of vanilla. Beat till thick. Pile onto dampened grease

proof paper and bake for three quarters of an hour in a cool oven (200-F or 93-C.

When cooked, cool, then cover with whipped cream and decorate with pieces

or peaches, strawberries or kiwi fruit to give in a real south sea flavor.

Contributed by Barbara Adams, author of Cobwebs...Sue cannot shake her misgivings when her timid aunt marries an overbearing bully....An intricate web of lies and deceit is slowly unraveled. But where does Sue's boyfriend Jason fit into the puzzle? The reader is drawn towards an enticing but sticky ending.

I narrator - writing tip from the e-mail

Question: Arline, you were my teacher and I have read your SECOND FIDDLE, so I know you have a book with two I narrators. As you know from reading some of it, my own book has three "I" narrators. I have tried several agents and a number of publishers and they all assure me that no one will take it with "multiple I narrators." Is this hopeless?

Answer: I wouldn't say hopeless. It will certainly be a more difficult sell, as I mentioned before. It has been done, not only by me, but by such notable authors as Dick Francis. Be sure to identify the viewpoint character below the chapter headings or at any changes. Then try it with smaller publishers who will be more flexible, but may provide fewer promotional opportunities and will not be able to afford advertising. But you will have your book.

In fact Write Words just published VIENNA PRIDE by Terry L. White an excellent book with several "I" narrators.

Wild Rice Casserole - recipe

Carlene Dater’s Wild Rice Casserole

1 cup wild rice

½ lb. fresh or 2 cans mushrooms

¾ cup butter

3 Tbsp. grated onion

3 cups chicken broth

Soak and wash rice 3 or 4 times in boiling water till rice opens up. Slice fresh mushrooms. Brown rice in butter; add remaining ingredients except broth. Put into buttered 2 ½ quart casserole. Add broth. Cover and bake at 350-F or 177-C for about 1 ½ or 2 hours. Takes a while, but well worth it.

Contributed by Carlene Dater, author of The Colors of Death and One by One... Kate Lomax travels to her hometown of Pine Bluff, Minnesota to attend the third wedding of her friend, Elizabeth. She is eager to see her old friends, a group of women called the Birthday Girls. What should have been a happy occasion quickly turns sour when the body of one of the Birthday Girls is discovered in her own swimming pool.

Scene ? - Writing tip

Question from my e-mail: Hi Arline, remember me? Beth, your student from Flagstaff?

I got a ms. back from an agent with the brief comment, "Too long, and has too many unnecessary scenes." Okay, it's 100,000 words and you did tell me not to go above 80,000, but I thought the scenes were all necessary. Why didn't she?

Answer: If something doesn't change forever, the scene probably isn't "necessary." For instance:

Two people go for a walk and talk about the weather, then they go home. I don't care how beautifully you describe the countryside, nothing has happened/changed in the story.

Beware, even if something does change, if it's a small something. Two or three "small" scenes, where only something little changes, all in a row, can intensify the "nothing much going on here" feeling. Trust me, Beth. I have done this myself many times, so I do know how it can happen. And I have learned how to fix it.

Here's my advice on scenes.

Every scene should begin with a solid transition that establishes the moment in time and space, tells the reader who is present, and sets the problem/hook statement in the first or second line. Thereafter the action and dialogue develop until the turning point is reached, then a final hook for that scene is set, and the scene ends.

The Scene Ends Right There! Yes, as soon as the point is made, regardless of what else might have really happened later.

Say for instance a medical examiner is called to the scene of a murder. He looks at the corpse and at the uniformed cop on standby, then says, "He's done it again. This is the same as the last one."

That's the final point of the scene, because we have let the reader know a serial killer is on the loose. Now after this scene, the criminalists will descend, take photographs and fingerprints, pick up blood samples, and eventually the body will be removed leaving the inevitable tape outline on the floor, but to show the reader all that would be anticlimactic, because the point had already been established. Once your serial killer is on the loose, end the scene, and get on to the next scene instead of wasting your, and the readers, time on pointless action, however well-written those details might be.

Now, not all scenes turn loose serial killers. Sometimes the point of a scene is as trivial as having an ex-boyfriend call to say he's in town for a week. Okay, that's a turning point. He's in town and he wasn't. A change. But this information might be included in a scene where the turning point is a bigger one. Say your character's next big action is to find a body (sorry, I am primarily a mystery writer). Then you might include the smaller change and write the bigger scene this way:

Your main character, a female PI, is entering a creepy old house, looking for her lost dog. In a mini-flashback, she recalls the phone call from her old boyfriend, Sean, and thinks about their former relationship, while she calls the dog. When she hears scratching noises and her dog whining. She opens a closed door, revealing the body. And the scene ends there.

So the boyfriend change is there, but you don't need to play out the phone call or include their rehashing old times dialog "on stage." Look at the point of each scene and see if you can add the small change to another scene and get rid of the "little" scene, thus cutting the overall length.

You don't need a separate scene for every single change and can combine several changes into one scene, as long as the biggest change remains the focal point.

Make sense?

French Stew - recipe

David Hooper’s French Stew (Adapted) with Baguettes

* The elegance in this stew is its simplicity. It does not take long to prepare and it is ready to

eat in an hour.

1 2 to 2-1/2 pound chuck roast.

6 medium red potatoes

2 small or one medium onion (cut in quarters)

8 carrots (I use the baby carrots and put in two for one carrot. No scrape, no mess)

½ cup Flour

1 teaspoon of salt

½ teaspoon of black pepper

½ teaspoon of rosemary

½ teaspoon of thyme

2 tablespoons of oil

2 tablespoons of butter

1/8 teaspoon of Tabasco sauce

1 French baguette loaf

Water

Heat skillet or Dutch Oven on medium high with two tablespoons of butter, two tablespoons of oil. Cut the chuck roast into one-inch squares. Salt and pepper the meat, then dredge it in flour. Put the pieces in hot grease and brown until all sides are uniformly browned.

When done, take the meat out and put in one cup of water, stirring to get all the breading off the bottom of the skillet. Put the rosemary, thyme, salt, Tabasco, and pepper into the skillet. Stir a few seconds. Put in the potatoes, carrots, and the onions into the skillet. Put the meat on top of the vegetables, add water to just barely keep the ingredients covered with liquid, cover, and let it come to a boil. Turn the heat down and let it simmer for two hours, stirring occasionally.

When the meat is tender, turn off the heat and let sit on the stove for five minutes. Slice the baguette and garnish with butter.

Contributed by David M. Hooper, co author of Reunions Are Murder by Ursula McNabb... Retired policeman Bob Brantmier didn't want to go to his 30-year high school reunion, but his old partner on the force needs help after one of Bob's classmates is murdered. Look at it this way, at least Bob knows all the suspects, though maybe not as well as he thinks.

Catching UP

Nothing much moving in or out this week, though I HAVE been working, it doesn't show up as progress yet.

Promo Opportunity from ARe

We are now booking spots for the June 2011 RT Magazine ad.

The ad will be a 1/2 page/color and contain 12 covers on the flame background with our logo, tagline, and web-address. A review is not guaranteed.

We would need a minimum 300 dpi 600X900 pixel color cover in jpg or pdf format by March 10th for the June issue.

Payment can be sent by via snail mail to our corporate address:

$90.00

All Romance eBooks, LLC

Attn: June RT Ad

334 East Lake Roa d Suite 286

Palm Harbor, Florida 34685-2427

or via paypal:

$95.00

paypal@allromanceebooks.com

Please query via email to info@allromanceebooks.com to ensure that space is available PRIOR to sending payment.

Also...

Read an eBook week is coming up March 6-12, 2011 and we at All Romance are gearing up for a fun free read campaign.

If you haven't already, be sure to upload your free reads to our site before then so when the fun begins readers will have an opportunity to sample and fall in love with your work.

Also news from ARE this week.

**********F O R Â Â I M M E D I A T E Â Â R E L E A S E **********

Permission to Repost Granted

All Romance® eBooks Unveils the ARe Cafe The digital eBook retailer www.allromanceebooks.com announced the addition of the ARe Cafe, a new reader-centric social networking platform that offers rich content and is fully integrated with the All Romance/Omnilit digital bookstores. Palm Harbor, FL February 17, 2011 The veil of secrecy surrounding ARe's new endeavor was lifted this week at the Tools of Change Conference in New York. Customers received their first hint about the nature of the ARe Cafe when a tab appeared on the company's website a few months ago. The welcome page for ARecafe.com invites booklovers to "Stop by for a byte" and Lori James, the company's co-owner and Chief Operating Officer had previously described the Cafe as "A Unique On-Line Community for Passionate Bibliophiles." During Tuesday's Bookselling in the 21st Century panel, more details were revealed. The Cafe will cater to readers, authors, bloggers, and publishers. If you love books, you are going to love the Cafe. With carefully curated news, aggregation of relevant commentary, reviews, events, real-time information about what is selling, a robust social network, and a virtual library where readers can organize their books and share recommendations, there is something for everyone. And it is all centered within a full-service digital bookstore. Thus far the Cafe has only been accessible to a select group of invite-only Beta users affectionately called the "First Byters". It is expected to open to the public in March. About All Romance eBooks, LLC All Romance eBooks, LLC was founded in 2006, is privately held in partnership, and headquartered in Palm Harbor, Florida. The company owns AllRomanceebooks.com, which specializes in the sale of romance e-books, OmniLit.com, which sells both fiction and non-fiction e-Books, and AReCafe.com, a unique on-line community for passionate bibliophiles.